The Longbranch Inn Bar

Saturday, December 4, 2004

Though I’ve thought about it before, I’ve never really used my weblog to bitch about bad experiences with businesses. Seems petty and rather useless, anyway. No one reads this weblog. Except me.

Today, though, I’m going to bitch. About the Longbranch Inn bar (on east 11th street) and my experience there last night.

Last night the UT School of Architecture held a fundraiser at the bar. They packed it with people — maybe fifty or sixty. (It’s not very large.) They also booked some live music. My friend Ryan Lauderdale invited Jacob Green and I to do sets later in the evening. He would play, also. Awesome.

So. Shane Bartell played a set from about 10:30 until 11:30 with a live drummer. Sounded good. Good crowd. We were excited to play.

Jacob sets up and starts into his weirdo electro singing lounge act thing. Okay. Silly. Students tend to have high tolerance for unusual. But. One of the bartenders starts heckling him. Not some random idiot. An employee. Getting in Jacob’s face. “C’mon, man — I wanna boogie! Let’s boogie!” Repeatedly. Then standing just feet from the stage and saying things to other people like, “This is shit, man.” The guy acted either high or mentally retarded. He looked normal — in his mid-thirties, maybe. But behaved like a 10 year-old whose mother was very tired of having to tell him to leave people alone and act his age, dammit.

So Jacob just gave up after about fifteen minutes. He hadn’t invested much into the event, so fuck it.

So he cleared off and Ryan and I set our stuff up. Ryan would play for a half hour, then I would.

Except. While we were setting up our stuff, they had turned the jukebox back on loud, just to provide some ambient music during the break. This is perfectly normal. Except they, um, wouldn’t shut it off. And when someone asked, we were informed (indirectly) that they didn’t do live music after midnight. After, y’know, watching us set up after midnight. The staff just kind of ignored us. Blaring the jukebox: not a problem, apparently. Being very rude to people who came out to support your establishment asking for nothing in return — not even getting a free drink out of the deal. That’s fine.

Anyway. Ryan and I gave up and put all of our stuff away. Then the fucking jukebox broke. So no music at all. I’ve never believed in a god, but that moment made me want to start. (And I made sure to stay away from the device, not wanted to catch blame for the coincidence.) Within five minutes of the removal of our gear: No music at all. And people started leaving. It felt like the party was ending. And. Having offended us, they failed to consider that we might have friends in attendance. That they might irritate a slightly larger group of people. And they did.

And then retarded bartender — as a part of a team of people trying to fix the jukebox situation — starts yelling shit like, “You’re on! Go! Play!” What? Jesus, what a moron…

As we left (about 20 minutes later), one of the bartenders was in the process of trying to plug the audio out of some small, shitty jambox through the P.A. system the bands had used. Good luck with that, Chief.

I have played bad shows. Or’ve shown up to play and have not been able to. But I have never been treated like such a piece of shit. And not just by one guy — by the owner of the place, one bartender in a big way and just flat-out ignored by everyone else.

I wish them the best, but I don’t understand how they can so cavalierly alienate their core audience: People who go to bars often. ME. And other musicians and twenty-somethings. Unless there’s a very good reason, I won’t go back. The bar’s nice, but it’s no nicer than two dozen other bars in town. And it’s kind of out-of-the-way in a somewhat bad neighborhood.

I’ve had great experiences dealing with owners of other venues — even when problems arise. Rachel Koper at Gallery Lombardi worked with me at every turn — even when the cops showed up. The people at Ruta Maya have never complained, even though I know some of the music we’ve done there has been rather obnoxious. John at Elysium has been extremely friendly and open and communicative with me. They act like adults. And I want to support their businesses (as should you).

But not the Longbranch Inn bar. It’s bullshit. I left feeling crappy that I had bothered to buy a couple beers from them before things went sour.

When I got home, Haley recited that marketing gem: “If you have a good experience at a place, you’ll tell two friends. But if you have a bad one, you’ll tell ten friends.” Kind of unfortunate, but in this case totally true.



Posted Sat, December 25, 2004, 11:23pm EST by Anonymous

rss feed?


Posted Wed, December 8, 2004, 4:05pm EST by Josh

Please don't feed the RSS.

Seriously, though: I code all this stuff myself so I'll add RSS capabilities when I get around to it -- which will probably be sometime next not-very-soon.

Just bookmark and visit every now and then... In addition to my witty posts you'll also get to look at some ads and that wonderful "Au" logo! Fuck yeah!

We are really sorry about that....

Posted Sat, February 12, 2005, 6:27am EST by Jim Stockbauer

Let me tell you, after 20 plus years of being in biz we are very sorry about your
experience at the LBI. We built this place on pride and hard work. We have few complaints and we accept yours full-heartedy. As owners we try to make everyone feel welcome as much as we can and sometimes this may come off wrong. There are very few bars where owners inter -act with customers on a full time basis, but we try to make everyone as welcome as possible even if we make bad jokes or insults. I take full responcibility for your complaint. As a husband I fuck up often but still try to remain loyal and loving. Come back and we will try our best to make amends and rectify what ever we did wrong. We get carried away just like anyone else. God bless

longbranch inn

Posted Sun, February 13, 2005, 5:42am EST by christien primeaux

I have had the same experience with that fucking mongoloid at that bar. Its like he has tourrettes synrome or something. I saw him running around in a fatlady costume literally pushing guests down in a mad dash to the bar. What a fuckhead.

Long Branch InnWit

Posted Sun, February 13, 2005, 2:09pm EST by john hoff

I am so glad to have found this forum on the Long Branch. Everytime I have gone one of the bartenders has devolved from a pretty cool and interesting character into a pinhead yelping and thrashing about immigration and macroeconomics. I have heard of alcohol induced psychosis but this pencil necked geek takes the cake as the rudest bar keep south of the Mason Dixon. He even told a bar full of people that the key to success was to act snobby. WTF. Yet I can't stop going in there to just to witness this Chief in action. Guys is definitely a little light in the loafers and in the brain cavity. He is like a bird that never learned to fly.

Longtard Branch Inn

Posted Mon, February 14, 2005, 5:12pm EST by Jordan Actkinson

With all the snobbery, hipper-than-thou shitty attitude, and general dumbfuckness that is rampant from some representatives of the LBI, does this mean that enough people will get alienated that there will again be enough room to sit at the fucking bar without pushing through a who's who of horn-rimmed twentysomethings in "ironic" vintage clothing and bitching about the shit hanging on the walls? As for the bad neighborhood, it's harder to score crack near the LBI than Red River. Just ask the principals.

Sorry we are not sorry

Posted Tue, February 15, 2005, 12:13am EST by KUMBALA




East Side Reprezent

Posted Tue, February 15, 2005, 7:37pm EST by Josh

Good lord, I hope you're not employed by the Longbranch Inn. If I were your boss I'd be a bit, um, off-put by obnoxious public insults -- especially when he attempted to extend an olive branch.

(I assume that CAP'N CAPLOCK above is the same guy as Mr. Boogie Scarf Social Retard described in the post. This would make sense.)

As for the suckiness of the performance... Yeah, that's fine to think that. Not everyone likes all music. But there's an appropriate and an inappropriate way of asking someone to end their set. The employees that night handled it the wrong way. And whomever posted directly above is also handling it the wrong way.

Don't fuck with the get frescher crew

Posted Wed, February 23, 2005, 11:11pm EST by Majora

hey asshat from the LBI i dare you to fuck with me. Obviously your musical tastes only revolve around the mundane that retards typically like (the sister act soundtrack, The beat 93.3) and any other sonic enemas your willing to receive from ascap or clearchannel. If you turn the music off in my prescence your gonna feel the wrath.

frescher crew fag

Posted Mon, February 28, 2005, 3:28pm EST by Anonymous

the long branch owner is the last of the original bartenders who left emos. the wonderfully animated and oft imitated kumbala. he was around the austin and houston punk rock scene when you were shittin yellow. as for sister act or 93.3 I dont know what that means but its obvious that you do. If you want more info on kumbala just look at the chronicle if you are familiar with it freshy fresh. He got voted best bartender in austin. besides being a good bartender and now club owner he is also a nice guy. just ask the supersuckers, L7, or any of the hundreds of other bands he let sleep @ his house during the early nineties.Where were you? obviously not in the music scene. probably sucking vanilla ices cock. step in the long branch and introduce yourself or forever hold your stinky brown tongue. the longbranch is owner run so you got no one to complain to you little pussy.


Posted Thu, March 3, 2005, 9:36am EST by Edgar Burns Crutchfield

Mercy. Tensions seem to be running a little high down in Austin. May I ask who the Frescher Crew is? Are they the posse of avante garde muscians who were playing when the owner/bartender gave them the hook? VICE Magazine will be coming to down to Austin for SXSW and in fact visiting the Longbranch Inn. We would love to interview the Crew there. Let's get this all out on the table. Our focus is on Austin and how the different communities (music and cultural) relate to each other. And these back and forth complaints are awesome. Josh's intial post seems understandable. I'd love to see him, Mr. Boogie Scarf Social Retard (great fuckin mame by the way), the MajorA, and CAP'N CAPLOCK all sit down over a beer or 16 and work this out. We will have a film crew for VICE TV. So in fact you could be stars or you could be killed. Really makes no matter to me as long as it is good . I'll track the blog comments before reaching out individually. It's like a rap war only with hillbillies and hipsters. God Bless Texas.

Get a Pair

Posted Thu, March 3, 2005, 10:30am EST by Dr. Kenneth Rings Noisewater

JEEEEESUS get a pair! If you don't like it there then you put the money up and assume the liability and open a bar------THEN YOU CAN KISS THE ASS of all yer customers no matter how much they whine or bitch. SO Shut up and grow a pair the world is not out there to kiss yer college pampered ass. Those two idiots have put alot of fucking work into that bar so they can do/act whatever fucking way they want so until you do the same SHUT THE FUCK UP WHINER!

get a grip

Posted Thu, March 3, 2005, 1:44pm EST by Eric Butschek

I agree with intial post. If these dickhead owners can't appreciate punk rock, fuck em. Austin used to be cool but now it is full of Dellionaires and middle class twits listening to 101.5 and eating at Texas Land and Cattle. Remember Studio 29 or Club Foot?Austin used to be a great place until it got taken over by marketing execs and landscape architects. Raul's! There used to be some great experimental homoeroticism in the city and now it is a bunch high school football players with tattoos and foot long beards wandering about discussing The Shins and other weak kneed twinklings. I wish more people would stand up like Majora to the deluge of mediocrity. Fuck the Long Branch Inn.


Posted Thu, March 3, 2005, 1:47pm EST by stephen schubert

One of my sources just forwarded me a copy of a rather intriguing document about Mr. Jim Stockbauer, the proprietor of the LBI. In the remainder of this letter, I plan to summarize the contents of that document in an effort to condemn Stockbauer's hypocrisy. Permit me this forum to rant. Okay, I've vented enough frustration. So let me end by saying that Mr. Jim Stockbauer is a supporter of everything that was trendy in America in the 1960s -- the marvelous effects of LSD and other psychedelic drugs, pyramid power, various oriental religious cults, transcendental meditation, UFOs and extraterrestrials, CIA conspiracies, you name it.


Posted Thu, March 3, 2005, 10:40pm EST by chin

mr. schubert. just hit submit once my brother. why is mr. stockbeaur so apologetic? what is vice magazine and where do I know eric butschek from?


Posted Fri, March 4, 2005, 2:45pm EST by Clifford Antone

There are a number of things I can't stand about Long Branch Inn, and I would just love to share them with you. You see, I truly believe that Long Branch Inn's grievances are misinformed in theory and chauvinistic in practice. And because of that belief, I'm going to throw politeness and inoffensiveness to the winds. In this letter, I'm going to be as rude and crude as I know how, to reinforce the point that Long Branch Inn recently stated that two wrongs make a right. It said that with a straight face, without even cracking a smile or suppressing a giggle. It said it as if it meant it. That's scary, because it is the picture of the insane person on the street, babbling to a tree, a wall, or a cloud, which cannot and does not respond to its campaigns. Let me close by reminding you that Long Branch Inn has an uncritical -- almost a worshipful -- attitude toward the most contemptible insurrectionists you'll ever see.

ease up on james

Posted Fri, March 4, 2005, 2:49pm EST by Gayle Braecklein

This seems to be getting a little out of hand. James while a bit zany is a good guy. Cut him some slack. Though to be fair his, "Hey Kids, Let's Boogie" tv show was a debacle. But hey that is why we love him.

Professional Help

Posted Fri, March 4, 2005, 5:49pm EST by Tracy Moray

It has recently come to my attention that Mr. James Stockbauer needs some serious professional help. I assume you already know that Mr. Stockbauer's blatant indifference towards the feelings of others is due to intense misunderstanding, suspicion, and fear, but I have something more important to tell you. Our national media is controlled by amoral sad sacks. That's why you probably haven't heard that I want to denounce those who claim that all minorities are poor, stupid ghetto trash. That may seem simple enough, but Mr. Stockbauer maliciously defames and damagingly misrepresents everyone and everything around him. There's a word for that: libel. Okay, that was a facetious statement. This one is not: Mr. Stockbauer's ideological colors may have changed over the years. Nevertheless, his core principle has remained the same: to instill a general ennui. If you don't believe me, then note that there are those who are informed and educated about the evils of radicalism, and there are those who are not. Mr. Stockbauer is one of the uninformed, naturally, and that's why just because he and his legates don't like being labelled as "hideous braggadocios" or "immature beggars" doesn't mean the shoe doesn't fit. What I had wanted for this letter was to write an analysis of Mr. James Stockbauer's perceptions. Not an exhortation or a shrill denunciation, but an analysis. I hope I have succeeded at that.

Cool Down Period...

Posted Fri, March 4, 2005, 5:58pm EST by Josh, the Management

Okay. After the incident I used my site to vent my anger and frustration with the LBI.

But I think this has gone a bit out of control...

We should all probably double-check our maturity levels before continuing to respond to this thread... Self included.


sharky favorite live at the long branch inn

Posted Tue, March 8, 2005, 8:50pm EST by dan morrissey

While you guys are arguing I just want to note that I will be playing soon at the Long Branch Inn. Look for it in the schedule.

Get Over It

Posted Wed, March 16, 2005, 2:32pm EST by miserycreek

So you had to deal with a bar staff that ranged from indifferent to hostile and then pulled the plug on you in a club you had never played before. Well, that sucks. But if that kind of thing hurts your feelings, you'd be well advised to never take your band on the road - that kind of thing, while not necessarily common, goes with the territory. Not everyone is going to like you, and if they happen to own the club, well, they reserve the right. Personally, I've been to The Longbranch a dozen times or more (never played there, but would) and have never been bothered in the least by anything the bar staff said or did - maybe hanging around punk clubs in the 80's (which, by the way, were always in MUCH worse neighborhoods than LBI) thickened my skin as far as "acceptable" behavior goes. Anyway, if you plan on playing music as anything other than a hobby, you better just let this one go.

Over it.

Posted Wed, March 16, 2005, 3:11pm EST by Josh

Yeah, I am over it. I'm not a child and I know that the world doesn't exist to beat a golden path to my door, etc. And as a musician who plays shows fairly regularly, I have had other bad experiences -- but that doesn't mean that I think bad experiences should be a matter of course, right? Some responders are also missing the crucial piece of info that I never actually made a sound, so this wasn't some judgment on my music. My friend got cut off -- not me.

Anyway, at this point, I'm more amazed at the amount of attention that this one rinky post has received.

But I'll hang on to my position that being rude and/or acting like a dick to people is bad. I have a hard time understanding why that opinion is controversial. If someone acts as such, then they run the risk of being publicly called out on it.

James and "Kumbala" are probably quite nice, loving people 99% of the day, but whomever I dealt with then ("Kumbala" and a different bartender, I think) happened to not be then and, well, here we are. (And I appreciate James apologizing on this site.)

But to summarize: I don't really care about it anymore. It's old news.

Inside info from a former Longbranch Inn patron

Posted Fri, March 25, 2005, 11:26pm EST by Mr.

Yeah...if you can't tell already by the diverse responses then you should know that the Longbranch owner is a hypocrit and imature when not high on something. When their high atleast you can just say they're high and go on. But they are almost as inconsistent when they're sober. They can be cool. Although, when they have an audience or think they can get away with it then their true assholes. James just needs to grow up. For god's sake he's almost 40, married and not 23 anymore!


Posted Thu, April 7, 2005, 2:53pm EST by Sewah

1st problem: Commandeering a bar to have a fundraiser while holding the non-fundraising patrons hostage to your tomfollery. Nonsense is nonsense and I glad somebody nipped it in the bud!

2nd problem: Entitlement issues..."School of Architecture." Oh wow...come back in 8 years if you've passed the exam. Was that supposed to have some weight?

3rd problem: "...And it's kind-of-out-of-the-way in a somewhat bad neighborhood." Keep your posing, punkass west of the freeway were somebody will fake they like you to get your father's money. Baby, Eastside don't swing like that!

In conclusion, yes, James is a bit crazy and it's to bad you did not have a more pleasurable experience at the LBI; however, I suggest that you: stay closer to your home; go only where feel safer; and don't come to the Eastside expecting anyone to kiss your ass. Now have a nice day. :-)


Posted Thu, April 7, 2005, 4:00pm EST by Josh


Clearly you're an idiot. (And you have some weird class issues.) Stop posting on my website.


Another Try

Posted Wed, April 13, 2005, 5:16pm EST by Andrea

Wasn't there that night, so I really can't put in my two cents regarding the events in question, but I do recommend that y'all give it another try; the Eastside as well as the bar. I've been a happy 78702 homeowner for four years now and a satisfied customer of the bar for a year. In fact the Longbranch is my home away from home. After a hard day at work, my dog and me head up there for a beer, maybe play some dominoes with the friendly folk, and a take in a few good songs on the jukebox.


Posted Thu, April 14, 2005, 6:27pm EST by Dirty Dirty Dietz

i heard that james stockbauer almost started a race riot outside the Longbranch during SXSW!
I've been offending minorities for year boyss!


Posted Thu, May 12, 2005, 12:34pm EST by ulitave


I've been drinking at LBI off and on for years. I had considered trying to book my band there. After seeing all of this, I think not. There are plenty of venues in Austin - we don't need this crap.


Posted Sun, May 22, 2005, 6:37am EST by kumbala

waaah, stay the fuck out of my bar


Posted Mon, May 23, 2005, 7:56pm EST by Anonymous

i've been hanging out at the lbi lately and wanted to check it out on the web for kicks, and came across this site. wow. some people have major issues - as its been said before on this site: 'get over it!'. if you don't like the place or the people who run a bar as they see fit, then move on, find something that is more your speed. as an ex-bar owner, i know first hand that it is SO difficult to deal not only with running things behind the scenes, but also tending bar, and i admire these guys for being owner-operators. nothing is more difficult or more trying. give 'em a break! they're doing this to give us a cool, laidback place to have fun and chill, and they're doing the best job anyone can expect them to do, being there day-in and day-out.
as for my experiences at lbi- they have been MORE than pleasant. the two bartenders that have been there the past few times i was in (owner kevin and another man - used to see him at emo's and i believe he worked for sxsw prior to) were both GREAT - very accommodating and extremely friendly. thanks for the fun place to hang!


Posted Thu, May 26, 2005, 9:55am EST by Josh

"...very accommodating and extremely friendly..."

James seems okay, but check out Mr. Kumbala's two posts above:

"waaah, stay the fuck out of my bar"



Accomodating and friendly? Most definitely! And mature, as well!

cannot handle the east side (???)

Posted Wed, June 8, 2005, 7:00pm EST by anonymous

I've lived on East 12th street for the past four years and used to be a regular customer of the Long Branch Inn. I was even supportive after the 78704 crowd took over our neighborhood bar and turned it the hipster coke fest it is today. I told friends from all over town to go there just to be supportive. I was there before and after they got their liquor license, congratulating them on the first night. Then, I began to notice something weird about Kevin Kumbala, the head bartender. The longer I was there, the more my drink prices increased. My friends and I all work in the service industry and are generous tippers, yet the price kept going up. We were always polite and Kumbala knew we were old patrons from the neighborhood. We kept going even with the price increase insult. Then one night, two of us came in for a quick beer after work. We stood behind him at the bar for twenty minutes, trying to get his attention. Finally, at five until 2am, he turned around and said, "If you fuckers hadn't shown up at five 'til two maybe I would have served you" . There was more to it, he was being extremely rude. I politely told him that the problem was not that we weren't getting served but that we had been ignored and he was being rude to regular customers. I started to walk away. Keep in mind, I never once raised my voice or used profanities. Kevin Kumbala chased after us screaming and using a very forceful physical manner. We were chased to the curb where he proceeded to scream at us and let us know we weren't welcome back. Shocked and insulted, I immediately called the police and the TABC and let them know that Kevin Kumbala, the owner and bartender of the Longnbranch Inn was intoxicated and physically and verbally agressive while on the job. I suggest that all of you do the same the next time you have a problem. Just because his ego is inflated from owning a bar, doesn't mean he has the right to treat regular, generous patrons like shit. It might not help to post on a blog, it WILL help to tell ten of your friends and I say take it one step farther and let the authorities know how inappropriate this guy is. As for not being able to handle the east side Kumbala, i've lived here longer than your yuppie-harley driving, insulting ass has and the neighborhood will not tolerate your attitude. We've all been talking and the neighbors surrounding you are ready to fight against you being here. As one neighbor put it to me, "we saw this neighborhood through cleaning prostitutes off the street", I'm sure we'll be here to sweep the LBI out of the East Side.


Posted Wed, June 8, 2005, 8:24pm EST by Anonymous

Despite the fact that the Longbranch's jukebox is a poor excuse for a shit circus- I have seen, on more than one occassion, KUMBALA (definitely the oldest, most prehistoric bartender in Austin- and this is not a good thing whoreface) at the Natural History Museum sucking rare extinct dino cock. Come on man, you let who sleep at your house? The supersuckers? Do they know that you pretend to be friends with them? Lay off the dino cock KUMBALA- those guys aren't even around anymore are they? In any case, you're a goddam BARTENDER- you don't play music, and you shouldn't EVER tell anyone YOUR opinion of music- because I can assure you of one thing, YOU ARE OLD. Let me tell you a little story about the man with a dead squirrel for a moustache- one day it jumped off his face and killed him. Respect that rotting rodent on your bitch face, or it just might be the end of your harley riding days- and nobody will miss you when you're ugly face is gone.


Posted Wed, June 8, 2005, 9:06pm EST by j

Yo, how this post continues to grow! I would just like to pinpoint the exact moment the LBI become a burden to the neighborhood of East Austin. It was Friday, March 18th 2005, the day Vice Magazine took over East Austin with parties at the LBI, The Victory Grill and in the parking lot between the two. All these New York hipster fuckwits hung around all day eating at that little restaraunt across from the Victory, doing coke in broad daylight with their tattoos and tight jeans. Mercy, one even had hair like the swampthing and another had a head the size of a watermelon! no offense to the Canadians. People were getting thrown down hills, rude comments were made and copious amounts of pharmaceuticals were consumed. LIke any other red blooded Mexican man, I ask, can we please party? Yes, we can but it doesn't need to be with these New York turds with their white jeans and ironic mustaches. I heard they even have one called The Shark who stayed up for 40 hours straight on a regimen of powder and sticks and palm fronds. I'm nervously curious to see what happens next year. But hot damn does Kumbala ever make a good bloody mary!!!

old men and groucht bar keeps

Posted Wed, June 8, 2005, 9:19pm EST by PJ Clapp

Bartenders are supposed to be grouchy and old. Kumbala is not a record producer for chrissake he is an alcohol facilitator for fools who think they might get laid by going out for a beer or twenty four nights a week. As for 4 yeears on the eastside of austin bravo. perfectly in sync with Rick Perry. What a run! Many of us were living there in the early 80's when, well I have no idea what you were up to because it is unclear who you even are but i am certain you weren't over there with the whores and crack houses. So to be upset because a bartender is rude to you seems a little inane. Bummer that he has treated you like shit since you have been loyal customer true enough but to call the TABC. Huh? I realize this instant was the final straw but you waited twenty minutes for a beer? Huh? Jukebox a poor exuse for a shit circus? As much as I enjoy a nice turn of phrase, huh? James Stockbauer has certainly run that place into the ground. He was after all greatly abused during the late Disco era and of course it is well known that he comes from a long line of german segregationist faggots. House of Powder and Fog they should rename the place. This blog's subject matter is sad for austin and sad for you guys. However it must be noted Austin lost it's cool when Micheal Dell set up shop so I am surprised you guys are lamenting the loss of your wonderful little neck woods. It has been gone for longer than most of you have been able to change your own underwear. So in reality you guys are just as prehistoric as old Kumbala. Go do a gagger and get over it.

My complaint about Kumbala

Posted Wed, June 8, 2005, 9:27pm EST by scott pakin

Unless you want to accumulate a long list of examples of Kumbala's acts of corruption and depredation, this letter may become a bit monotonous. However, I indeed do hope you read it all the way through, because the ineluctable outcome of Kumbala's magic-bullet explanations is a world in which wishy-washy lackwits take advantage of human fallibility to censor any incomplicitous whinges. Before I launch into my main topic, I want to make a few matters crystal clear: 1) Kumbala's few positive contributions will continue to be overshadowed by his broader message of hate, and 2) as a result of that, Kumbala's ability to turn our country into a stupid, unsavory cesspool overrun with scum, disease, and crime is astounding. Now that you know where I stand on those issues, I can safely say that of all of Kumbala's exaggerations and incorrect comparisons, one in particular stands out: "Kumbala is the best thing to come along since the invention of sliced bread." I don't know where he came up with this, but his statement is dead wrong. His detractors are correct in their observation that for once, he should try thinking instead of vociferating. Then again, that notion has been popular for as long as gnosticism has existed.

I can't follow his pretzel logic. I do, however, know that as that last sentence suggests, if we are to work together towards a shared vision, then we must be guided by a healthy and progressive ideology, not by the stentorian and impolitic ideologies that Kumbala promotes. Kumbala's excuses are not the solution to our problem. They are the problem. We can all have daydreams about Happy Fuzzy Purple Bunny Land, where everyone is caring, loving, and nice. Not only will those daydreams not come true, but almost every day, Kumbala outreaches himself in setting new records for arrogance, deceit, and greed. It's definitely breathtaking to watch him. All kidding aside, his bedfellows are in league with abusive paranoiacs who promote promiscuity and obscene language. That's pretty transparent. What's not so transparent is the answer to the following question: Will the world ever be free of doctrinaire troglodytes like him? A clue might be that he should show some class. Am I aware of how Kumbala will react when he reads that last sentence? Yes. Do I care? No, because if I were a complete sap, I'd believe his line that the rest of us are an inferior group of people, fit only to be enslaved, beaten, and butchered at the whim of our betters. Unfortunately for him, I realize that if you can go more than a minute without hearing Kumbala talk about militarism, you're either deaf, dumb, or in a serious case of denial.

Time cannot change Kumbala's behavior. Time merely enlarges the field in which Kumbala can, with ever-increasing intensity and thoroughness, pilfer the national treasure. Though I, hardheaded cynic that I am, am truly not a proponent of conflict, if he wanted to, he could recruit and encourage young people to subjugate persons of culture, refinement, and learning to rash serpents, just as older drug dealers use young kids to push drugs. He could replace law and order with anarchy and despotism. And he could destroy any resistance by channeling it into ineffective paths. We must not allow Kumbala to do any of these. Help me create greater public understanding of the damage caused by Kumbala's utterances. Join your hands with mine in this, the greatest cause of our time.

negative in the positive

Posted Thu, June 9, 2005, 12:35am EST by mt

We're sitting here thinking of all the negative things we could say about the LBI, but would rather suggest a positive solution. Jim and Kumbala turned us off, in the months before they opened, when they explained they would clean up the clientele at the LBI by bringing in a " better crowd". Suggestion- Go up the street half a block to the Victory Grill. True Eastside hospitality. Thursday night jazz and blues. $5 cover. Drinks for donation. Wedneday evening happy hour. 60th anniversary (same owners!) on August 21st. We hear it should open full-time in late September. Real Eastside place because the people who own and run it are Eastside people.

he who he is

Posted Thu, June 9, 2005, 12:56am EST by bystander

one thing, James Stockbauer truly is the Oscar gone Wilde of our generation. If this isn't startin to show through obviously enough, it will be startin to bear fruit. James Stockbauer a mess of a man? That's what I'm screaming! Boyss!

negative in the huh

Posted Thu, June 9, 2005, 12:45pm EST by db

A little info for you guy. The victory is a great bar but they, like the longbranch will probably quickly become annoyed with you and your ilk. I think l.b.i. has done a great job of keeping the original group of locals around. Hell, if it wasn't for them, you would probably still be taking your out of town guests to La La's and telling them how cool it is to go to a bar in North Austin. It is obvious that you never stepped foot in l.b.i. before the owner change. Hang at the Victory until something else cool pops up you fickle ass fag.By the way, Kumbala has lived in the neighborhood of the bar for years. Where do you live. The Castilian?


Posted Thu, June 9, 2005, 12:55pm EST by cyj

After surfing through young Josh's web blog and looking at pictures of these cute children it is obvious that these complaints and insults are coming from kids. Surf around . Look at the pictures Josh has posted of partying at Lovejoys etc. Print out these pictures and then locate these faces of these cute kids on the street and confront the fuck out of them. Hope n.y.u is fun josh.

scott pakin loves kumbala

Posted Thu, June 9, 2005, 1:14pm EST by cbp

scott buddy. Sounds like you have spent a bit to much time thinking about that bartender. Just rub one out while you are fantesizing about him and be done with your pent up kumbala fixation.

scott pakin

Posted Thu, June 9, 2005, 1:58pm EST by kumbala

Got me pegged my friend. Now give me your children.


Posted Thu, June 9, 2005, 2:01pm EST by nunya

whose the chick josh is with at washington square park?


Posted Thu, June 9, 2005, 2:02pm EST by JIm





[Moved into this thread by the editor...]


Posted Thu, June 9, 2005, 2:24pm EST by Birdzzzzz

Fair play is for pussies. I can't help but side with the bully and the gaylord. One guy wrote a fuckin' book up here and then signed it "anonymous." I hope it was very therapeutic for him...


Posted Thu, June 9, 2005, 6:28pm EST by Billy the Kim

It really doesn't matter whether you are East or West of I35. Can you park and get a drink is the question. When you're EAST you're just west of trouble. It's true though...WE ARE ALL A BUNCH OF ASSHOLES and we all suck!!!!!! Whether we are in or behind the bar. I am very entertained by the fucking assholes I see at the LONGBRANCH!!! Especially those behind the bar. THERE'S JUST NO ACCOUNTING FOR TASTE!!!!!!!!


Posted Fri, June 10, 2005, 1:50pm EST by susie

How are this many people concerned about a fuckin' bartender. Last I checked they were just the means to getting my drink. Who gives a shit about them as people? If you're not into the giant ever-inflating ego of an asshole bartender, you might want to avoid devoting a whole web site to him. Side-note, all the gay-bashing and "fag" usage on here is just embarrassing. Go hang out with Tom Delay and Warren Chissum, you insecure bastards.


Posted Sat, June 11, 2005, 11:19am EST by Josh

I'm not removing this post, that much is certain. The question, though, is whether I should block new comments...

Also, I'm pretty sure this page gets a lot of attention due to the high Google rankings of search terms such as "longbranch inn bar" and "longbranch inn bar austin" (both of which link first to this page right now).

By commenting (and changing the content of the page), I'm pretty sure everyone's just keeping it high on Google's lists. So one way to get the spotlight off of this page would be to just stop talking about it. At least on this site. That's what I'd prefer, at any rate.

As far as losing business or whatever: I think anyone with a brain would realize that I've written about one experience at a bar. If anyone makes any life decisions based on the post that started this whole thread, they're probably not making very good decisions to begin with. If it causes a few people to go to Club de Ville or the Gingerman or something instead of Longbranch Inn to get their Thursday night beers, well, I apologize, but that's the nature of word of mouth. This is a small, personal website and not the Austin American-Statesman -- I'm under no obligation to report anything but the highly biased day-to-day observations about my own life. Take what I write on this site as such...

If either of the owners (Kumbala and James/Jim, I believe) are really offended by what I've written (they're at least compelled enough to write repeated comments, some pretty mean, on this site), then I might suggest thinking about what caused the complaint in the first place. At least, if I owned a business and someone said something negative in a public forum about it, I'd want to figure out the real reasons and not make weird claims that the complainer is some kind of elitist, west Austin, rich, architecture student or something. (I'm none of those.) The people griping don't have anything to gain, but the business has something to lose.

But that's just the pragmatist in me.

Anyway, should anyone want to communicate with me outside of this thread, my e-mail address is splattered all over this site. Feel free to use it.


Now. Off to better things. I've got some German crap to look at. Towers and museums and what have you.

Contrarary to popular belief

Posted Thu, June 16, 2005, 6:59pm EST by One more time

Your site and bloggs have actually helped our
business !! Thanks and have a great time in Germany. Home of the boirng

Being helpful

Posted Thu, June 16, 2005, 8:00pm EST by Anonymous

If only this site could help your spelling and grammar...

Why Even Bother?

Posted Tue, June 21, 2005, 9:38am EST by None

I've heard other bad reports about the Longbranch Inn Bar in Austin before. Really, there are so many other options, why even bother with them? Support some good bars and clubs. Let the crappy ones rot.


Posted Wed, June 22, 2005, 9:55pm EST by Anonymous

kumbala is a friend of mine and he hasn't posted any of this. He is a bit bummed about all of the negativity but he doesn't look at the site or buy into the negativity. That does not stop people from posting for him. As far as being a star struck name dropper, Dee Plakas and Donita Sparks always called the Crutchfield brothers anytime they played in Austin in the nineties, and Houston in the eighties. He doesn't give a shit about that or any of this. As a matter of fact he would be really pissed to know that I have sent this. Give Kumbala another try. Good guy.


Posted Sun, June 26, 2005, 5:43am EST by Anonymous

Speaking as a musician with nearly 2 decades of experience playing in bars, I can safely report that I've never been as disrespected as I have been by the owners and staff of this establishment, and on more than one occasion. If there is negatively created there, it comes from the staff down. And such a shame, as it originally showed such great promise as a funky little joint, too.

pronunciation guide

Posted Sun, July 10, 2005, 10:17pm EST by Anonymous

is kumbala pronounced "come-balla," "coom-balla," or something else equally idiotic?

finally, the answer.


Posted Sun, July 17, 2005, 8:02pm EST by cjk

It is a good neighborhood bar for the east side. Short walk from home and dog friendly.


Posted Wed, July 27, 2005, 12:54am EST by Anonymous

mr longbranch pig is in the news